Bro-preneurship


Hey dudes,

If you’re already making the effort to look for new friends, you have at least some of the temperament to be a good entrepreneur. Combine that with motivation, persistence, curiosity, and knowledge of whatever your specialty is, and you’ll make a fantastic entrepreneur. However, starting up a business takes so much effort that it can overwhelm and depress almost anybody, which is why so many new businesses have co-founders. When you know that someone else is depending on you to get things done, and vice versa, it can make all the difference. Not letting your business partners down is a powerful motivator.

And if one of your co-founders is also one of your bros, it’s even better.

Here’s how not to spoil your bromance – or circle of friendships – with business issues. First, make sure that everyone’s roles and responsibilities are crystal clear. Titles don’t really matter: just make sure that you all do what you’re best at, and don’t waste any time doing what your bro should be taking care of. Second, remember that business is not a democracy, nor is it even fair all the time. You won’t be able to accomplish anything if you put all the issues up for a vote.

Finally, when you’re in business with your bro, your social life is going to turn into business idea sessions. That’s not at all bad, but it’s important to remember to bring it all back to your office and share it with other, newer team members. Otherwise you’re just wasting their talents and creativity.

Best of luck, and happy bromancing!

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Good News and Ad News


Hey dudes,

I’ll start with what’s most relevant to you, Mr. Blog Reader. If you’ve been on the fence about setting up a full subscription to seekBromance, this is a perfect time to get started. Does this imply that I’m threatening to raise the rates? No, at least not immediately. If you want the back story, read on.

Like almost every online business, seekBromance spends a major portion of its ad budget on Google’s AdWords service. Recently, I did a routine check to see if the bids on any of our ads needed to be tweaked, and I was surprised to discover that the ads hadn’t been showing on the network – at all. Obviously I did some digging, and I found out that the site’s ads were suspended for violating Google’s arbitrage policy. To be specific, what set off Google’s spiders was the fact that the total ad space on some pages was bigger than the page’s content.

I’m not upset with Google about this. You wouldn’t want an ad to direct you to a page that had so many ads of its own that you couldn’t concentrate on the content. (We’ve all seen those.) On the other hand, as I’ve mentioned in other blogs, seekBromance carries ads so that we can keep the subscription prices as low as possible. So it was time for a trade-off.

To bring seekBromance back into line, I had to make cuts in both the number and the sizes of many of the site’s ads. Will this reduce the amount of ad revenue by only a little, or by a lot? I don’t know. I’ll have to run the new format for at least a couple of months before I get a clear picture. And if the revenue drop-off isn’t huge – let’s keep our fingers crossed for this – then I won’t have to raise subscription prices.

Now do you see why it would be a great idea not to wait to subscribe?

Okay, that’s all I’m going to say about subscription prices for a while. In the meantime, keep on enjoying your summer, and happy bromancing!

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Time for a Change Up


Change-up time, bros.

No, I’m not talking about baseball. Or body swapping (although if you could teach me how to do it on demand, that would be awesome). I’m talking about making a change in the routine of your life. In other words, just do something different for a month or more.

Why? Socrates once said that an unexamined life is not worth living. I take it a bit farther and say that a life that’s not experimented with is not worth living. The specifics of what you do aren’t that important. Join a book club. Ride your bicycle to work twice a week. Grow out and maintain your facial hair. Anything. All that matters is how it changes your lifestyle.

You might discover that you love the change, or you might conclude that you were happier with the old way, and go back to it. It doesn’t matter: either result is fine. You will have learned something new about yourself, and maybe even about your existing and potential bros.

Have fun!
-The Blog Dude

A Maintenance Tip for Your Brofile


Hey dudes,

As you know, your brofile doesn’t become visible in other members’ searches until it gets approved. But what happens when you make an edit?

Your brofile status goes back to “pending,” that’s what. Which means that you go back off the radar until your edits get approved. Normally, this is not a big deal, because you won’t have to wait that long. Unfortunately, if your edits have to be declined, your brofile is still considered pending. Users can’t even search for the old version.

The tip is this: when you make edits, be careful to watch for the approved or declined response. If your changes are declined, there will be a reason stated in the email. Use that information to make the fixes ASAP, so that your brofile can get back on line without any unnecessary delays. After all, you never know who might be missing you when you’re invisible to searchers.

If you have any questions about your brofile updates, you’re always welcome to post or send a message at seekBromance support.

Happy bromancing!

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Bromance Throughout Your Life


Hey bros,

Chances are you haven’t had a lifelong bromance. Don’t feel bad about that. I can think of only one example, and that’s in the tight-knit circle of celebrities. Remember that bromances aren’t built to last the way family ties and marriages are. It’s easy to get into and out of a bromance, but you don’t get to choose your family, and it’s much harder to find a life mate. Or divorce one.

So what happens as we navigate our lives?

At the beginning, young boys don’t really have bromances. They get together with classmates and with neighborhood kids because they both like playing the same kids’ games. That’s not a bad thing, obviously. It’s just all they need, emotionally, at that age.

The time when bromances flourish the most is usually from the mid-teens through the twenties. At that age, a dude’s friendships help him establish his identity as an adult, and what he values most in life. It’s also an age where people have more spare time to spend with friends, at least more than older guys do. Being in college helps a lot with all this, because everyone is living fairly close together and partying together.

Then it all falls apart.

Okay, it’s not hopeless, but finding and maintaining a bromance gets much harder once you hit middle age. For one thing – even if you don’t have to worry about setting aside a lot of time for your spouse, your kids, or your aging parents – most of your bros, and potential bros of the same age, will have these obligations and start neglecting their friendships. Second, many or most of your bros from school will now be living hundreds or thousands of miles away. You can keep them on your Facebook feed, but it’s obviously not the same.

Finally, things can pick up again after you retire and any kids you’ve had have become adults. You get more time for golf, of course, but many older guys go back and reconnect with longtime friends, too.

What can you take away from all this, regardless of your age right now? Probably your best bet is to be flexible when it comes to bromances. Don’t hesitate to try to make new ones, but at the same time, don’t lose touch with your bros from the past. There’s nothing wrong with having friendly acquaintances in addition to your closest bros.

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Are You a Ferris or a Cameron?


I’m sure you all know what the above question is referring to, but for those who don’t, these guys are the title character and his best bro from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Even though this picture turns 30 this year, it’s still an American icon. So anyway, back to the question.

You probably want to say that you’re a Ferris, because Ferris is the type that every bro wants to be. This “righteous dude” is a naturally charismatic leader who knows how to get away with just about anything. He can think on his feet, he’s wildly popular, and he never ever lets any obstacle slow him down. Does all that describe you? Some of those things might, but all of them? I doubt it. The sad truth is that no dude who has ever lived has achieved full Ferris-hood. Some of them get closer to the ideal than others, but that’s about it.

Now think about Ferris’ best bro, Cameron. This dude seems a lot more “real,” but not in a good way. He feels completely helpless, as though life is happening to him and he has no control at all. As if he’s completely stuck, and trapped by fate. Those feelings have given him a sort of low-level, chronic depression. He’s an extreme case, but everyone gets hit with these feelings. There’s an excellent chance that you know a few Camerons personally, if you aren’t one yourself.

So what about your own best bro? Is he more of a Ferris, or more of a Cameron? If he’s more like a Ferris, count yourself lucky. Go with the flow when you’re hanging out with him, have amazing adventures to create your own movie, and most of all, let some of that infectious confidence rub off on you, too.

If your bro is a Cameron, you obviously don’t want to try to be like him, but you do want to be there for him. Also, nudge him along, encourage him to take an occasional break from (what he sees as) the horrific routine of his existence. Most of all, remember that every Cameron has his breaking point: when he says “enough is enough” and decides to take a stand. Hopefully he won’t kill his dad’s car, but regardless, when your bro finds his inner strength at long last, support him.

And once you find that inner power yourself, if you haven’t already, get out there and change the world!

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Update on the Bromance Mobile Apps


Hey dudes,

If you’ve been following the news on seekBromance.com, you know that I’ve been designing a mobile app to work on the back end of the site, both for Android and for iPhones. You might also know that I enlisted the help of my bro Alan to handle a lot of the coding. Just like all the other cool kids, we have our projects hosted remotely in Git environments so that we can collaborate on different parts of the code at the same time.

Well, the release looks like it’s finally coming into view at this point. We’re targeting both apps to be out by the end of this year (yes, that’s December 2016). And I promise you, they’ll be worth the wait, because you will be able to:

  • Search the database for bros, using the full set of search options
  • Send fist bumps to bros
  • Send messages to bros, if you’re a paid subscriber
  • Read other bros’ blogs and comment on their blog entries
  • Update your own blog
  • Update your own brofile

No more scrolling around a mobile-unfriendly website for you. Soon you can use this app to search for bromance wherever your phone can get a signal.

Finally, if you’re a brogrammer who wants to contribute to either project, email us. We can’t pay much, but we can give you a brofessional reference!

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Wipe Away the Awkwardness


I’ve said this in other articles, but it’s worth bringing up again: starting a bromance with someone in today’s world can be extremely tough.

On top of the packed schedules that everyone has to deal with now, you still have the problem of “selling” the idea of spending guy time, one-on-one, to another bro. Even if he knows you well enough to be sure that you’re not asking for a date, it can still make you nervous enough to feel awkward, and even creepy.

Luckily for you, that’s a major reason behind the existence of seekBromance.com: to wipe away that awkwardness. Once you’ve created your brofile, there’s no confusion about what you’re looking for or what the other bros on the site are looking for. From there, it’s simple to match some common interests and figure out what kind of activities you guys want to do when you meet up. No “speed bromancing” here (if there is such a thing!); we’re all about low-pressure environments. Not high-pressure ones.

So go ahead. Create that brilliant brofile, open that subscription, and start getting in touch with all our cool dudes. The journey to finding bromance can be frustrating at times, but trust me, the rewards are more than worth it.

Later,
-The Blog Dude

The Insecure Bro


Hey dudes,

Daily life is full of things that make even the most confident bro feel anxious or insecure. That’s totally normal if you have any clue about how the world works. The real issue is when insecurity becomes such a big part of a dude’s life that it makes him depressed or starts to threaten his bromances and other relationships. How can you spot this behavior in yourself and your bros?

Clue 1: Defensiveness

This happens when your ego feels like it just can’t take many (more) blows. When someone tries to point out a mistake you made, you might cling to what you said in spite of all evidence to the contrary, and/or you might even get actively hostile. It can be hard to keep hanging around a dude who has this problem, but you don’t have to give up immediately. More on that later.

Clue 2: Comparing Lives

Dudes with this issue take keeping up with the Jones to a much deeper level, to the point where it dominates their thinking. They’re always keeping track of who has what, and who has the better version of it. They also care a lot about power hierarchies, and always crave more power. In particular, they do this a lot with their co-workers, always watching who is more or less successful. They might put other dudes down, or sometimes they envy the dudes who they think “have it all.” The hot girlfriend, the family man with the perfect wife and kids and the constantly happy life, or the bachelor with total freedom. Nobody actually has it all, of course, but this bro is too obsessed with comparing himself to others to realize that.

Clue 3: Reassurance

This one isn’t as nasty as the others, but it can still be annoying. Insecure dudes are strongly driven to ask other people for validation so that they can feel better. Problem is, they don’t feel better for very long and have to keep asking. It can get annoying, but if you value your bro in other ways, just keep telling him he’s awesome until he learns to feel more self-esteem on his own.

Clue 4: The chip on the shoulder

It’s pretty easy for most people to detect anxiety and insecurity in someone else, and a lot of insecure dudes try to cover that up with anger, sometimes because it seems like the only “macho” emotion. Of course, it backfires because it puts off other people and sabotages your own goals.

What to do?

The important thing to realize about major insecurities is that they make you miserable. So no bro actually wants to be insecure. They want to get better and figure out how to be comfortable in their own “souls,” so to speak. What you don’t want to do is play psychoanalyst and give him a laundry list of insecurities like this one. But if your bro is open to the idea of talking to a therapist about these issues, you should totally support him in that. If not, just be a friend.

Bromance Analyzed


Time to get nerdy, bros. (Don’t worry; you can clean up later.)

Even though the word ‘bromance’ is fairly new, the concept isn’t, and some of the most famous philosophers in history have given it at least some consideration. Plato perceived bromance as belonging to one of several categories of love, which is what I want to talk about in this article.

The three categories of love, according to Plato, are eros, agape, and philia. I’ll explain the first two only briefly, since they have nothing to do with bromance.

You might have guessed that eros is the root of the word “erotic.” And yes, eros refers to the kind of passion that people look for when they go on dates (regardless of whether they’re straight or gay). However, there is more to eros than just animal lust: Plato claimed that people could experience eros by encountering true, ideal beauty, whether in people, objects, or ideas.

The concept of agape is not as well known, but it refers to a common idea in our culture: the love for people in the abstract. It comes up a lot in religion, with references to God’s love for man and with other examples such as “love thy neighbor.”

So finally we come to the category that bromance fits into: philia. Philia encompasses what most of us think of as key elements of friendship: fondness, appreciation, and loyalty. Bromance, therefore, can be thought of as philia between two guys. Of course, philia can also happen between women, or with people of the opposite sex. Aristotle wrote that the things that cause philia are “doing kindnesses; doing them unasked; and not proclaiming the fact when they are done.” Philia can result from just getting pleasure from another person’s company, or it can happen because the relationship itself is somehow useful, such as with a business contact.

What good is all this theory? For one thing, it does a good job of defining the lines between bromance and romance. And because things like pleasure and usefulness have different magnitudes, it shows that there’s nothing wrong with having a bro who likes you more than you like him, or vice versa. Both of you still benefit from the relationship.

And of course, quoting Plato and Aristotle makes you look smart.

Later
-The Blog Dude

The official blog of seekBromance.com