Hey dudes,
One of the most important parts of being a good bro is to keep your emotions in balance, and one emotion that doesn’t get talked about much is assertiveness. In a nutshell, assertiveness is the feeling that you can, should, and will take charge of whatever situation you’re in, with the goal of achieving the outcome you hope for. It’s one of the very few emotions that’s considered macho to have.
Like the graph shows, assertiveness is something you have to get just right: either too little or too much can cause problems. In this article, I’m going to introduce some of the key signs of underassertiveness and overassertiveness, to help you spot them in yourself or your bros. Then I’ll suggest some ways to get that tricky emotion in the right balance.
Underassertiveness
The meek might inherit the earth someday, but they’ll find it hard to get much of anything else they want in life. If you feel stepped on, or if you resent some of the things people ask from you but never say anything about it, you might fall into this timid category. Maybe you’re afraid of your own anger, and don’t want to think of what you might do if you actually challenge someone. Or maybe you just feel personally inadequate.
Don’t worry: assertiveness is something that can be learned. The first thing to do is analyze what triggers your intimidation. Maybe it’s something in your thinking, and/or something that other people often do. There will probably be several things, so spend a while carrying a small notebook with you during the day, and write down the things that intimidate. The next thing you want to do is to begin speaking out. When someone is trying to take advantage of you, it’s okay to say that you find their behavior annoying. Speak in a way that’s self-confident but not combative. Finally, set short term and long term goals for yourself, if you haven’t already. As you work toward them, remember that success is going to require your new, improved assertiveness.
Overassertiveness
At the other end of the scale, overassertivness is the sign of the dude who’s like the proverbial ‘fight waiting for some place to happen.’ If this is you, you’re probably short-tempered and feel hostile most of the time. You might think of your overassertiveness as something to be proud of, but in reality, it’s a very unhealthy thing to carry around with you. It makes you angry. It makes you arrogant. Most of all, it makes you an asshole.
The good news is, because you’re a take-charge kind of dude, you can use this quality to dial down your assertiveness to a more balanced level. The key is to find ways to stop and think before your anger takes control of a situation. Say a ‘happy word’ under your breath, count backwards, go over your strategy in your head. Smile if you can. The bottom line is to learn to relax a little.
Happy bromancing!
Later,
-The Blog Dude
