Hey dudes,
Daily life is full of things that make even the most confident bro feel anxious or insecure. That’s totally normal if you have any clue about how the world works. The real issue is when insecurity becomes such a big part of a dude’s life that it makes him depressed or starts to threaten his bromances and other relationships. How can you spot this behavior in yourself and your bros?
Clue 1: Defensiveness
This happens when your ego feels like it just can’t take many (more) blows. When someone tries to point out a mistake you made, you might cling to what you said in spite of all evidence to the contrary, and/or you might even get actively hostile. It can be hard to keep hanging around a dude who has this problem, but you don’t have to give up immediately. More on that later.
Clue 2: Comparing Lives
Dudes with this issue take keeping up with the Jones to a much deeper level, to the point where it dominates their thinking. They’re always keeping track of who has what, and who has the better version of it. They also care a lot about power hierarchies, and always crave more power. In particular, they do this a lot with their co-workers, always watching who is more or less successful. They might put other dudes down, or sometimes they envy the dudes who they think “have it all.” The hot girlfriend, the family man with the perfect wife and kids and the constantly happy life, or the bachelor with total freedom. Nobody actually has it all, of course, but this bro is too obsessed with comparing himself to others to realize that.
Clue 3: Reassurance
This one isn’t as nasty as the others, but it can still be annoying. Insecure dudes are strongly driven to ask other people for validation so that they can feel better. Problem is, they don’t feel better for very long and have to keep asking. It can get annoying, but if you value your bro in other ways, just keep telling him he’s awesome until he learns to feel more self-esteem on his own.
Clue 4: The chip on the shoulder
It’s pretty easy for most people to detect anxiety and insecurity in someone else, and a lot of insecure dudes try to cover that up with anger, sometimes because it seems like the only “macho” emotion. Of course, it backfires because it puts off other people and sabotages your own goals.
What to do?
The important thing to realize about major insecurities is that they make you miserable. So no bro actually wants to be insecure. They want to get better and figure out how to be comfortable in their own “souls,” so to speak. What you don’t want to do is play psychoanalyst and give him a laundry list of insecurities like this one. But if your bro is open to the idea of talking to a therapist about these issues, you should totally support him in that. If not, just be a friend.
