Here’s a short article I found about bromance that, in my opinion, is definitely worth a read. Bottom line: don’t overanalyze it – just enjoy!
I have some unfortunate news, guys.
My plan was to finish coding and launching the Facebook login feature for seekBromance.com today. As it turns out, their SDK isn’t loading when I expect it to, and none of my tweaks fixed the problem. Looks like I’ll have to join a bunch of developer discussion forums and ask for feedback. I’m sure it’s a minor bug; it’s just a question of identifying it.
If any of you out there are Facebook coding gurus, please shoot me an email if you want to offer a little help.
In case you were wondering about the “part deux” in the title, it’s a reference to my earlier post on dudes and humor. You don’t necessarily have to read that article to understand this one, but if you haven’t yet, check it out. You’ll find it interesting.
If you grew up around actual brothers and/or sisters, you are probably well practiced in the art of teasing. Maybe you dished it out, or maybe you had to take it, or both. Although teasing can be malicious, it can also be playful. When it’s playful, it’s a healthy part of a close relationship. (I’m not going to say anything else about malicious teasing, because the point of these articles is to help you make friends, not enemies.)
People are often afraid to tease a friend out of anxiety that it will backfire and be perceived as an insult. As with any other skill, you won’t be able to do it right 100% of the time. That’s why you need to practice on those you have known for years. People you can explain that you didn’t mean what it sounded like. As you might expect, the odds of unintentionally insulting someone go up when you know them less well. That’s why nobody tries to tease a stranger. At least not a complete stranger.
If the whole “think before you speak” philosophy ever applies, it applies to teasing. Fortunately, there are ways you can screen what you want to say before you say it. The key is to get an idea of the other person’s level of self-esteem. Sometimes, when their egos are huge, you will never get much of their attention unless you can prove that you’re at their level or better, and a little teasing can be a good way to accomplish that. For example, if you meet an athletic-looking alpha male at a party, and he already has two or three women hovering around him, you could say something like “So do you owe it all to Hydroxycut?” On the other hand, if you said that to a fat man at the party who was standing in a corner by himself, you would be a complete bastard. The alpha male is so accustomed to being looked up to and fawned over that your joke would seem like a breath of fresh air. You’re just bridging the social gap to gain rapport with him.
The most important thing to remember about good-natured teasing is that it reminds both people involved not to take things too seriously. Keeping things playful is important to preserving your ability to have fun in life. Just remember never to be cruel to anyone, and to leave them in a happier mood that you found them in. The goal is for everyone to be laughing.
If you’ve heard about “movember,” or if you ever just needed an excuse to grow a mustache, here’s some good news:
“On Movember 1st, guys register at Movember.com with a clean-shaven face. For the rest of the month, these selfless and generous men, known as Mo Bros, groom, trim and wax their way into the annals of fine moustachery. …Mo Bros raise funds by seeking out sponsorship for their Mo-growing efforts.” The proceeds are donated to research in prostate and other types of cancer.
For more information, go to us.movember.com.
And now for a comedy moment.
When it comes to humor, there’s really no such thing as an absolute rule. However, under almost any circumstances, it’s not cool to be critical about a buddy’s choice of food or beverage. Here’s a sad example:
Have you ever heard a woman say, “I’m looking for a man who can make me laugh?” Sure, it’s a cliché, but it became a cliché for a reason. Of course, a woman who says this isn’t saying EXACTLY what she means, but it does provide an important clue to what she means. Believe it or not, guys are looking for pretty much the same thing in a bro. So let’s look deeper into what’s going on here.
Modern science hasn’t offered many solid conclusions yet as to why humans and other primates developed the instinct of laughter. The best theory so far is that laughter is one of many tools for social bonding. There’s good evidence to support this theory: studies have shown that people laugh much more frequently when they’re in groups than they do when they’re alone. Other studies show that people in groups laugh at many things besides jokes: the person you’re around has much more ability to make you laugh than the actual joke does. But before I hit you with any more of this theory, let’s take a real-world example.
I love to people-watch, especially in crowded spots where I can sit comfortably and observe the world going by. I’ve actually collected some stories about people watching, and I trade them with friends of mine who do the same thing. Here’s a story I got from one of them.
My friend was having dinner at a restaurant that was popular for dating. About 30 feet from his table, he noticed a couple at another table and started watching their body language. Both the man and the woman were obviously uncomfortable with each other, so it was most likely their first date, maybe even a blind date. The man was trying to joke with her, but she wasn’t laughing at any of his punch lines, and he was laughing a little too much at his own.
Then something happened.
The woman finally laughed at something her date said, and from that instant forward, the entire dynamic had changed. It was like flipping a switch. These two were going to be a couple, at least for a while.
Does this story surprise you? Turn the tables and think about the last time you were with friends, male or female. Can you remember something funny that one of them said or did? You probably can, maybe even from years ago. Now think about a time when you had to be around someone who made you uncomfortable. (Maybe it was for a good reason, or maybe it was just your gut-level instinct. For this example it doesn’t matter.) Now, did you laugh at any of this person’s jokes? Not unless you were faking it.
There’s one other thing I believe every guy should understand when it comes to humor beyond standup comedy. The people with the best sense of humor are the least worried about what others think of them. The less they actively seek someone’s laughter, the more they get it. Laughter is an invitation to bond with someone’s social group, but you never NEED an invitation to a particular group. No matter who you are, not everyone will laugh at your jokes, but this is actually a good thing. Humor works as a filter to help you find the bros and ladies who are most compatible with you. Happy hunting!
The motto “bros before hos” has been around a while, but these days it’s probably most associated with Barney Stinson, from How I Met Your Mother, and his Bro Code. Like all stereotypes and exaggerations, there is some truth to it. After all, you can’t realistically expect to keep close guy friends if you spontaneously ditch them every time any woman smiles at you in public.
Of course, if it’s your wife on the other end of the cell phone connection, she definitely has to come first (no pun intended, you barely-contained horn dogs). That’s what marriage is all about. With any other woman, it’s pretty much your call either way. If she can’t respect the fact that you need space as much as she does, then she’s not worth it: nothing else matters.
I’ll leave you with Mr. Stinson’s reading of the first part of the Bro Code, because, in my opinion Neil Patrick Harris is not at all a bad actor.
Tim, the guy in this video, has the right attitude for being a bro – or a pickup artist – but he leaves out half of the equation. Go ahead and watch his talk, then see if you can spot what’s missing.
If you want to get the guys in the room to see you as a bro, not to mention get noticed by the ladies, thinking that you’re the coolest person on the planet is only the first ingredient. The second ingredient, without which you’re just a douche, is that you must think that everyone else in the room is also the coolest person on the planet. It’s a multi-way tie for first place.
They have to be equally cool, because they’re with you. Think of your coolness as a flame: it sets those who touch it on fire without weakening your own flame. This is how the guy who befriends everyone thinks. Get yourself into that mindset every time you go out. It takes practice, but the rewards are always worth the effort.
In the years that we’ve seen bro culture grow and thrive, many new words have found their way into bro-speak. But you need to be careful when you’re trying to use them: you can’t just tack the syllable “bro” to the beginning of any random word and assume you’ll sound cool when you say it. Too many wannabes have learned this the hard way.
Thanks to field research, we’re able to give you a list of words that have gained acceptance with the bro species, along with their definitions.
bro chick (or bro ho): A woman who frequently hangs out with multiple bros, often with the goal of seducing as many of them as possible.
brofessional: A bro who has entered the work force. Although he wears a suit and tie on weekdays from 9 to 5, he behaves like a typical bro at other times.
brodeo: A sizable gathering of bros.
bromantic circle: A group of bros, all of whom are close friends with one another.
bro out: To hang out with one or more other bros, engaging in well-recognized bro activities.
The list of words below are a bit more questionable, but I’m including them mostly because I like them. Time will tell if the bro community widely adopts any of them.
brochacho: A muchacho who is also a bro.
brodacious: The masculine version of bodacious
brohemian: An artsy bro, likely a vegetarian and possibly a 420er.
Remember, bro-speak is always evolving, so there will definitely be more brocabulary updates in the future. Keep following us!
An acquaintance of mine was recently talking about how we live in an age where men rarely make friends with other men. The reason, he believes, is that guys, unless they’re jocks or alpha males, are too afraid of being humiliated or rejected.
Most guys understand this fear, I believe, because the very same emotions get in our way when we try to socialize with women. Maybe you got over that fear with women. If you did, it was through applying psychology, and you can very easily apply the same psychology when you’re looking for a guy friend. So let’s step back for a moment and think about human behavior in social groups.
First, reverse the question and ask yourself: “What do I look for in a friend?” No matter how you answer this question, whether you’re a jock or a nerd, an alpha or an omega, your answers will ALWAYS have one thing in common with everybody else’s.
You look for qualities that you find valuable. It all boils down to that. You certainly don’t want to hang out with someone who’s boring or socially empty. You want to hang out with people who are cool. So does everyone else.
But here’s where things start to go so wrong for so many of us. When you see someone you think is cooler than you are, you assign them a higher value than yourself, at least unconsciously. And the second, literally the second that you begin to interact with them, they unconsciously perceive your assignment of lower value to yourself. That, my friend, is what makes them inclined to reject or even humiliate you. You just gave them permission to do it.
How do you solve this problem? The first thing to do is to stop seeking the other person’s approval, because doing so automatically sets you up for failure. Tell yourself that you already have the other person’s approval, and that they have yours. Behave like this is true, and amazingly, the perceptions of most other people will come into line. Why? They see you as having equal value to them, because you just assigned yourself equal value. It’s the path of least resistance. Perception becomes reality, but this time you’re using it to your advantage.
The above tactic will work on the vast majority of guys and women you interact with. Still, there will be those who want to throw cold water on the party, and you need to learn (and practice) how to defuse their efforts without getting upset or angry. There are many psychological tactics you can use to accomplish this, but I’ll keep it simple. Remember, there are always multiple ways of looking at the same situation. If someone is being sarcastic, for example, you can pretend to take it as a compliment. For other negative statements, you can behave as though the person meant something completely different. (Psychologists call this “reality projection.” If you can “hold” your projection longer than the others in the group can, they will begin to question their own views of reality. Yes, it sounds bizarre, but it works!)
The last thing I want to leave you with is that socializing, whether it’s with women or with other guys, is supposed to be fun. You should be trying to make them smile, and they should be trying to do the same for you. If they don’t, or if you don’t feel like you want to bother making them smile, then it just means that they’re not the right people for you to spend time with.