Can a bromance go too far?

Yes it can, especially if it comes at the expense of your relationships with other important people in your life. Obviously, we believe that bromance is a perfectly healthy thing in moderation. However, this week I want to talk about some of the pitfalls that come with overdoing it.

Your significant other (and your bro’s significant other) is the big one. Nothing is wrong with having ‘bros-only’ events when the s.o.’s are doing other things. Do this too often, though, and the romantic partners are going to start to feel left out. If they’re especially paranoid, they may think you’re developing romantic feelings for your bro (more on this later).

Fortunately, the best way to solve or prevent this problem is very simple. Just dedicate two nights a week exclusively to you and your love – and make sure these dates are non-negotiable. Your parter will be happy and you’ll still have time for your bro.

Even if neither you nor your bro has a romantic partner, you can still run the risk of being so deep into your bromance that you find yourself unable to socialize with anyone else. That’s not healthy. We all need emotional support from many different people, and that means that it’s important to make time to socialize with other men and women. If you’re turning down offers to hang out just so you can be with your bro, that’s a bad sign. Plan out your calendar if you have to, but always make sure you have time to develop new friends – and use that time for that purpose.

The third and final ‘pitfall’ I’ll mention isn’t necessarily a problem at all, but it’s still something that has to be confronted and dealt with honestly if it ever happens. By definition, a bromance is completely platonic. Therefore, if either you or your bro start to develop sexual desire for the other, then I’m afraid you don’t have a bromance anymore. If the feelings are mutual, you have a gay romance instead. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being in a gay male romance – as long as both partners are clear about what it is, and what their hopes for it are as they move forward. And if either of you is already romantically involved with someone else, there will be some important decisions to make. Hopefully the relationship is not exclusive, because then you’d be cheating. If you feel that your sexual preference itself is changing (which can happen), you should also talk to someone you trust. Never try to undergo a major change alone.

So happy bromancing, but in moderation!

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Bromance is nothing new, or even all that unusual. Even ancient peoples wrote about it in their epics and myths. The theme that was most popular was the concept of “tragic bromance,” where one bro dies an untimely death, and the other bro is dramatically changed as a result. Of course, if you have a bro, I hope he doesn’t die too soon, but if you want to become more well-read, I suggest you check out some of these examples.

The oldest known epic is the Babylonian story of Gilgamesh, who begins a quest for immortality after his bro, Enkidu, dies. Then there were Achilles and Patroclus in the Iliad. This theme keeps showing up throughout history, and is still prevalent in modern literature, film, and other popular entertainment. The tvtropes.org site has quite a few interesting examples.

Happy reading!
The Blog Dude

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Okay, dudes, time for a little reality. Not many of us can afford to randomly waste money and never worry about it. So, in the spirit of bros helping other bros, I’m going to dedicate this article to the most common things that we guys waste money on – and how to cut our expenses for each of them.

Electronics. We all know the stereotype about how men love to be the first to have the latest gadget. And guess what: it tends to be true. U.S. economic data shows that men spend an average of $701 per year on home electronics, compared to $536 for female consumers.

Ways to cut costs: You can start by waiting a few months to buy that new, sleeker product with yet more features, because the price will definitely come down. Remember that the newest gadget will always be at its most expensive price.

You can cut costs even further if you buy used items from auctions, classifieds, and so on.

Booze. Dudes really love this one, outspending women annually by $552 to $233.

Ways to cut costs: If you love to go bar hopping with your buds, think about getting together and knocking back a few at home first, and then migrating (responsibly!) outward, where you’ll want to drink less. Make your own cocktails at home, too: bars have huge markups on them.

Sports Events. Professional sports is big business. Although watching a national league game at the stadium is an awesome experience, it can also be a very expensive one. Season tickets, fan merchandise, hot dogs and beer… It all adds up. We grown-up fans are painfully aware of it.

Ways to cut costs: Game-watching parties are a fun way to take a break from the ticket scalpers. You can even go to a bar if you’re feeling lazy.

Also, if you’re truly into watching a game on site, don’t forget the minor leagues and lesser-known college teams.

Cars. When it comes to car shopping, we bros are the ones buying the most expensive and the least fuel-efficient sets of wheels. Usually either the high-performance sports cars or the gigantic pickups and SUVs. Dude: do you really need to be making payments on something like that if you’re only going to use it for commuting?

Ways to cut costs: First, don’t ever buy new. New cars lose a huge amount of value the second you drive them off the lot. If you’re buying, you’re much better off going with one of those “certified pre-owned” vehicles.

If you have reliable cash flow, keep in mind that leasing can be cheaper than buying, if the included service plan is a good one. If you never have to worry about unexpected repair costs, you’re way ahead of the game.

Online dating. The large, paid membership sites are big business, too: people spend more than $200 million on them each year. In addition, there are generally twice as many paying male subscribers as paying female ones.

Ways to cut costs: Free dating sites, or at least cheaper ones. Not that there’s anything wrong with the bigger sites, but there’s no special reason that you have to spend $60 per month or more. And of course, don’t forget that you likely have a lot of friends and relatives who could introduce you to potential dates.

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You might remember from an earlier article in this blog that most bros have some element of “jock” in them. In fact, some of them are very jock-like. And obviously, jocks spend a lot of time thinking about their favorite sports.

So what’s one of the most effective things you can do, if you want to start a friendship with another bro? That’s right: take an interest in sports. That doesn’t mean you have to become a rabid fan, or memorize every team’s roster over the past 30 years. All you really need is to know (1) something about the most popular sports in your part of the world, and (2) something about the teams that play these sports. You already have some free time to go online, so take 4 or 5 minutes of that time to check out the sports news every day. Even if you never get into the whole fan thing, your bros will definitely appreciate you for caring about the same things they’re interested in.

By the way, the sports angle can help you even in the corporate world. Here’s a story of what happened to a bro of mine I’ll call Toby. Toby was on the phone to a former client a while ago, just checking back for more possible business. The guy asked Toby if he had gone to a recent convention in Chicago where both of them networked. It turned out that Toby had to miss it that year for other business issues, and he replied, “No, and it’s too bad, because I have a friend with seats in the bleachers at Wrigley Field.” Bang! The ex-client happened to be a huge baseball fan, and he and Toby spent the next 20 minutes talking about baseball, baseball news, and their favorite teams and players. Not only did the client end up booking more business from Toby, but he also referred several new leads, most of whom became clients themselves.

So I’ll say it again, bros, because it bears repeating. Sports. Keep up with them.

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I lift weights. I’m not a body builder, or even that much of a jock. Since I started, though, I’ve become a lot more buff than most of the other dudes in the office. Was I doing it to impress them? Hell, no. I wasn’t even trying to impress the women who work around us. I was doing it almost completely for my health. You might have seen the articles early this year about the health benefits of strength training. If not, go check them out when you’re done here.

At any rate, when I see a gym newbie trying to take shortcuts, I always shake my head. If you’ve ever been in a gym, you’ve likely seen a guy like this. He starts doing bicep curls, for example, and when it gets difficult, he realizes, “Gee, I can lift these dumbbells a lot more easily if I just flail them up with my whole body, instead of just using my arms.” At that point, of course, he’s no longer working his biceps. What’s worse, he runs the risk of injuring his back.

But the real problem this guy has is in his thinking. To him, it’s more important to show others at the gym how much he can lift than it is for him to train correctly, with somewhat less weight at first, and actually get stronger. So eventually, if he doesn’t learn the right way to lift, he finds that he never improves, and quits in frustration.

What does this have to do with bromance? Surprisingly, a lot. In fact, it has a lot do with many areas of life. It’s the difference between buying a flashy, expensive car with a monthly payment you can barely afford, or driving a less expensive car whose costs you can handle very easily. In business, it’s the difference between moving your office into a fancy high-rise, or spending that money on advertising instead. And in bromance, it’s all about becoming okay with potential friends seeing your weaknesses. Don’t alienate them by constantly bragging about your success. Instead, show interest in them, and be honest with them when they ask you questions. It’s the only way to build trust.

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Hey dudes,

If you’re using Gmail to get the seekBromance newsletter, you probably noticed that Google has just changed the interface. Now Gmail defaults to having three “tabs.” The primary tab is for all your regular mail, but now they have a “social” tab for stuff from sites like Facebook and LinkedIn, plus a “promotions” tab that’s supposed to bundle all your online shopping emails together.

The scary thing is that newsletters, including the seekBromance newsletter, are probably going to be filtered into this Promotions area, too. Not cool for you or anybody else whose mail you actually want to read. If you want to filter stuff, that’s great, but it should be you guys who decide how to do the filtering.

There are a couple of things you can do to keep the email you want in your new Primary inbox, though. You should either:

1. Go to the Settings menu in Gmail, pull it down, and select “Configure Inbox.” In the dialog box that pops up, turn off the extra tabs. Or…

2.  Drag and drop an email from noreply@seekbromance.com (plus any other newsletter email you subscribe to and read) from the Promotions tab onto the Primary tab. From that point on, any email from this address gets sent to your Primary box instead.

Thanks, bros!

Later,
-The Blog Dude

Hey bros,

What are we all made of? What are the primary qualities to being a bro? Well, I came across a blog entry recently that does an awesome job of answering that question.

According to these dudes, there are four dimensions to being a bro:

• Jockishness
• Dudeliness
• Preppiness
• Stoner-ishness

Jockishness, of course, measures how interested a dude is in sports and fitness. Dudeliness measures how often a dude likes to get together with other bros and do bro things – basically, how social they are with other bros. Preppiness is obviously highest among those dudes whose families have belonged to the same country club for the last century, but it also reflects the ability to dress conservative-casually and still look cool. Stoner-ish dudes are the ones who have a surfer vibe, and who speak in that relaxed, bewildered voice that such people use. Stoner-bros don’t necessarily have fried brains (they can be incredibly smart) or even get high. It’s all about the image.

The diagram here is a map of how a few celebrity bros fit into the four dimensions. Print it out, take a few push-pins, and figure out where you and your closest bros fall.

Later,
-The Blog Dude

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Hey dudes,

In case you’ve been feeling down lately, I found a list of things that can make you feel better about yourself.

The following is a list of advantages that guys have over girls:

1. We’re bigger and stronger
2. We’re happier
3. We don’t feel as much pain
4. We get paid more
5. We’re always right (okay, an obvious joke)
6. We stay warmer in the cold
7. It’s quicker for us to pee
8. We don’t trash our bros to others
9. We’re smarter (but only by a couple of IQ points)
10. It’s still a man’s world!

You can find explanations for each of these at the site that hosts this list. Now smile! (Come on, nobody’s looking.)

Later
-The Blog Dude

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Hey dudes,

One of my engineering professors had a seriously cool sign on his office door. It said, “I am not interested in WHY it can’t be done. I am interested in HOW you are going to do it.”

The main reason this sign is so cool is that it doesn’t just apply to technical projects; it applies to life. Pretty much anything in life. Think about the sad dude in the bar, crying into his beer and asking why he lost his job. Or the woman who finds out her husband was unfaithful and spends hours hysterically sobbing “why?” to her friend. The trouble with “why” is that it has no power. Even if you think it gets you off the hook (“here’s why it can’t happen”), it really doesn’t. “Why” doesn’t have a point.

Things change when you replace “why” with “how,” because you then regain the power to discover not only what led up to the problem, but what a resolution might be. How did that dude lose his job? He was an hour late every day and never filed his TPS reports. How did that woman’s husband start cheating? She gained 50 pounds since their wedding. That’s how these things happened. Mysteries solved, and now these two can hopefully learn from their mistakes next time.

What does all this have to do with bromance? Simple. You should never ask yourself “Why don’t I have a bromance?” Instead, you need to ask yourself, “How am I going to find one?”

Go make it happen, bros.

Later,
-The Blog Dude