Wipe Away the Awkwardness

I’ve said this in other articles, but it’s worth bringing up again: starting a bromance with someone in today’s world can be extremely tough.

On top of the packed schedules that everyone has to deal with now, you still have the problem of “selling” the idea of spending guy time, one-on-one, to another bro. Even if he knows you well enough to be sure that you’re not asking for a date, it can still make you nervous enough to feel awkward, and even creepy.

Luckily for you, that’s a major reason behind the existence of seekBromance.com: to wipe away that awkwardness. Once you’ve created your brofile, there’s no confusion about what you’re looking for or what the other bros on the site are looking for. From there, it’s simple to match some common interests and figure out what kind of activities you guys want to do when you meet up. No “speed bromancing” here (if there is such a thing!); we’re all about low-pressure environments. Not high-pressure ones.

So go ahead. Create that brilliant brofile, open that subscription, and start getting in touch with all our cool dudes. The journey to finding bromance can be frustrating at times, but trust me, the rewards are more than worth it.

-The Blog Dude

The Insecure Bro

Hey dudes,

Daily life is full of things that make even the most confident bro feel anxious or insecure. That’s totally normal if you have any clue about how the world works. The real issue is when insecurity becomes such a big part of a dude’s life that it makes him depressed or starts to threaten his bromances and other relationships. How can you spot this behavior in yourself and your bros?

Clue 1: Defensiveness

This happens when your ego feels like it just can’t take many (more) blows. When someone tries to point out a mistake you made, you might cling to what you said in spite of all evidence to the contrary, and/or you might even get actively hostile. It can be hard to keep hanging around a dude who has this problem, but you don’t have to give up immediately. More on that later.

Clue 2: Comparing Lives

Dudes with this issue take keeping up with the Jones to a much deeper level, to the point where it dominates their thinking. They’re always keeping track of who has what, and who has the better version of it. They also care a lot about power hierarchies, and always crave more power. In particular, they do this a lot with their co-workers, always watching who is more or less successful. They might put other dudes down, or sometimes they envy the dudes who they think “have it all.” The hot girlfriend, the family man with the perfect wife and kids and the constantly happy life, or the bachelor with total freedom. Nobody actually has it all, of course, but this bro is too obsessed with comparing himself to others to realize that.

Clue 3: Reassurance

This one isn’t as nasty as the others, but it can still be annoying. Insecure dudes are strongly driven to ask other people for validation so that they can feel better. Problem is, they don’t feel better for very long and have to keep asking. It can get annoying, but if you value your bro in other ways, just keep telling him he’s awesome until he learns to feel more self-esteem on his own.

Clue 4: The chip on the shoulder

It’s pretty easy for most people to detect anxiety and insecurity in someone else, and a lot of insecure dudes try to cover that up with anger, sometimes because it seems like the only “macho” emotion. Of course, it backfires because it puts off other people and sabotages your own goals.

What to do?

The important thing to realize about major insecurities is that they make you miserable. So no bro actually wants to be insecure. They want to get better and figure out how to be comfortable in their own “souls,” so to speak. What you don’t want to do is play psychoanalyst and give him a laundry list of insecurities like this one. But if your bro is open to the idea of talking to a therapist about these issues, you should totally support him in that. If not, just be a friend.

Bromance Analyzed

Time to get nerdy, bros. (Don’t worry; you can clean up later.)

Even though the word ‘bromance’ is fairly new, the concept isn’t, and some of the most famous philosophers in history have given it at least some consideration. Plato perceived bromance as belonging to one of several categories of love, which is what I want to talk about in this article.

The three categories of love, according to Plato, are eros, agape, and philia. I’ll explain the first two only briefly, since they have nothing to do with bromance.

You might have guessed that eros is the root of the word “erotic.” And yes, eros refers to the kind of passion that people look for when they go on dates (regardless of whether they’re straight or gay). However, there is more to eros than just animal lust: Plato claimed that people could experience eros by encountering true, ideal beauty, whether in people, objects, or ideas.

The concept of agape is not as well known, but it refers to a common idea in our culture: the love for people in the abstract. It comes up a lot in religion, with references to God’s love for man and with other examples such as “love thy neighbor.”

So finally we come to the category that bromance fits into: philia. Philia encompasses what most of us think of as key elements of friendship: fondness, appreciation, and loyalty. Bromance, therefore, can be thought of as philia between two guys. Of course, philia can also happen between women, or with people of the opposite sex. Aristotle wrote that the things that cause philia are “doing kindnesses; doing them unasked; and not proclaiming the fact when they are done.” Philia can result from just getting pleasure from another person’s company, or it can happen because the relationship itself is somehow useful, such as with a business contact.

What good is all this theory? For one thing, it does a good job of defining the lines between bromance and romance. And because things like pleasure and usefulness have different magnitudes, it shows that there’s nothing wrong with having a bro who likes you more than you like him, or vice versa. Both of you still benefit from the relationship.

And of course, quoting Plato and Aristotle makes you look smart.

-The Blog Dude

Quick Check-In

Hey dudes,

I realize it’s been a little longer than normal since the last post, and some of you might have been wondering about the health of seekBromance.com. No worries: I’m doing just fine. Alan and I have been super busy developing the SB Android and iPhone apps, so I didn’t have much spare time left for the blog. Be back with a real article before the middle of the month.

-The Blog Dude

Kick Start Your Bro Self for 2016

Happy New Year, dudes!

Like every other new year, 2016 has a lot of people beginning new diets and exercise programs. Of course, if you’re a bro in the know, you already have healthy eating habits and a solid exercise routine already. (If you don’t, get started. Look through the other blog articles for tips.)

The problem with these new year’s programs is that they tend to take a significant amount of time before you can see any results. Which is why so many people give up on them. Fortunately, there are a few things that we dudes can do that will show some instant improvement in how we look. Here’s how to kickstart your mojo in 2016:

Posture, posture, posture. Most people slouch forward when they’re sitting or standing, and unfortunately, the vibe you send out to other people is very negative when you do that. So be as mindful as you can about sitting up straight and standing up straight, even at home in private. Train your muscles to get into the habit. Remember, alpha males never slouch.

By the way, strength training does not necessarily give you better posture. In fact, it can make your posture worse! When you bulk up your arms and your chest, it shifts your body’s center of gravity forward, which pulls your shoulders and head forward into a slouch. To correct this problem, you need to counterbalance your bench presses and curls with exercises that strengthen your trapezius and deltoid muscles, which pull your center of gravity back to where it should be.

Take care of your hair and skin. Don’t let your haircut get seedy; maintain it every 2 or 3 weeks. If you are maintaining or growing long hair, gather it in the back. If there’s not yet enough to gather, use a little hand lotion and hair spray to keep it neat.

If your skin tone is naturally very pale, you should do something about it, because most people view that kind of complexion as unhealthy. Spend a little time once a week soaking up some rays, either sunbathing or, if sun is not available, in a tanning bed. DO NOT go overboard and turn into a Pauly D lookalike from Jersey Shore. One tanning session a week is enough.

Wear clothes that fit you well. No matter how fashions change, baggy clothes never become all that popular. A well-dressed man (unless he’s obese), will cover his top half in ways that show off the V-shape of the male body: in other words, wide at the shoulders and narrower toward the waist. Baggy t-shirts make you appear to have a square form instead of a V, and that’s why you don’t look good in them.

The perfect way to get well fitting clothes is to have everything tailored, but very few people can afford that. If you have to buy off the rack, know your measurements and try multiple brands. The same size can still be cut very differently from one manufacturer to the next.

Best of success in the new year, bros!

-The Blog Dude

Joy To the World, Free Bromance Is Here!

Get ready for your holiday gifts, bros!

Coming next Sunday, seekBromance.com brings you its first ever free communication week! That’s right: sites like eHarmony can only manage a weekend, but we’re about to give you a whole freaking week to send all the messages you want. Here’s how it works:

1. The free communication window opens on Sunday, December 20th at approximately 6PM Pacific time, and closes on Sunday, December 27th at the same time.

2. During this free window, if you have an approved bro-file, you can send unlimited messages to other members, just as if you were a paid subscriber. (Haven’t finished your bro-file yet? Well, git ‘er done! You don’t want to miss THIS. And if you don’t know how to put your bro-file together? Check out the FAQ for some help.) You don’t need to do any special set up, and you don’t need a credit card. Your gift will just be there.

3. If you’re already a subscriber (thanks, dude!), nothing will change.

4. Start searching for other bros with common interests and communicate back and forth with them – for free!

If you want a new bro for the new year, now is by far the best time to look.

Happy bromancing!

-The Blog Dude

Be Thankful: You’re In Control

Hey dudes,

One of the things the holidays tend to do is to remind us of how our lives are less than perfect. When you spend too much time thinking about this, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that you’re not in control of things. It’s true that you can’t control other people, and you can’t control most of the nonhuman things on this planet, either. But even so, there are plenty of of things that you do control.

First, and most important, you control your thoughts. You just have to take the time to ask yourself, “Do I want to be thinking this?” and changing the channel if you don’t. We actually do this all the time. The main problem that most people have is that they don’t do it as often as they should.

As you get better at controlling your thoughts, you get lots of side benefits. For example, you get control over your beliefs and the chance to explore new ones. You get control over the way you feel about yourself. You get control over your imagination, and you get control over the goals you set for yourself.

But wait, there’s more!

You control how you spend your time, you control what you eat, and you control how you exercise. You also get to control who your friends are, and you get to control where you live and work. Last but not least, you control the way you react to a situation, regardless of whether it represents a “win” or a “loss” for you.

Should you take a minute to be thankful about each of these things? Abso-freaking-lutely.

So Happy Thanksgiving, bros!

-The Blog DUde

seekBromance Has a Crowdfunding Campaign


Hey bros,

For those of you who aren’t familiar with crowdfunding, you can think of it as being like PBS (the public television network). Instead of paying its bills by airing commercials, which is what most other networks do, PBS depends on pledges from its viewers – and sometimes holds pledge drives. This is what seekBromance is doing on Indiegogo, right now through the end of the year.

Here’s the link:

Crowdfund seekBromance!

Donate if you can, and as always, happy bromancing!

-The Blog Dude


Facebook Is Down (Well, Sort Of)


Hey dudes,

As you may have noticed, seekBromance is fully vested in Facebook integration. The thing is, the Facebook team has been busy lately, making a lot of changes to the way websites talk to them. Which means, sadly, that the code we used to work with Facebook in the beginning doesn’t work anymore.

So, for a while, we’re going to take down the Facebook features. But don’t worry; we’ll be doing some work behind the scenes to update our own code and bring the Facebook functions back. In the meantime, you can still visit our page on FB.

As always, happy bromancing!

-The Blog Dude.


New Bro in the House!


Hey bros,

Okay, technically we didn’t hire the dude. He’s contracting with us through his corporate identity, but he’s still pretty gosh darned cool.

Long story short, he’s going to be concentrating on finishing out the Android version of seekBromance that I started, while I work on the iPhone version – among many, many other things. He’s done a decent amount of software development in the past, but none in Android, so we both agreed that this gig would be a win-win: he’d learn and seekBromance would get an app. While I won’t reveal his full identity, I am okay with telling you that his first name is Alan. (And he’s a dad as well as a dude.)

So if you see Alan cruising along the highways and byways of Silicon Valley, congratulate him with a fist bump!

-The Blog Dude

The official blog of seekBromance.com